On the fifth day, God looked man in the eye and said, "Though shalt not enjoy browsing the internet." Then God gave man a windows update that pushed Internet Explorer 8 to man's PC. Man struggled for thousands of years attempting to browse the internet with IE8. However, every third web-site the program would become unresponsive until man had to close the program with ctrl+alt+delete. Many men have had their faith falter and have begun to worship false Gods.
Many have turned to the Fox God of Fire. This God offers the ability to the people to worship in the way that they choose. The Fire God accepts many different beliefs through a questionable plug-in system that is not to be trusted. It is said that the Fire God will often burn it's cultist alive for pleasure.
Some favor the Chrome God of Spoils. This God promises wealth and security to all who worship it. The Chrome God favors shiny silver statues of itself, and it's followers offer sacrifices to these statues. The God of Chrome is very crafty, and has taken full advantage of it's brain washed followers. They offer up their life savings to the Chrome God. Many of the followers dress in tattered and worn clothes, while Chrome always wears expensive jewels.
Though they are granted an increase in browser performance by these false Gods, they know not what horrible strings are attached. If you use these false browsers you will die. God will strike you down and send you straight to the fiery depths of hell. Do not lose your faith, or you will be punished.
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